


my beating heart wanting more

by asael



Category: Raven Cycle - Maggie Stiefvater
Genre: Anal Sex, College, Established Relationship, Explicit Sexual Content, M/M, post-trk
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-05-24
Updated: 2016-05-24
Packaged: 2018-06-10 09:01:35
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,904
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/6949681
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/asael/pseuds/asael
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Ronan wants to burn every piece of himself into Adam. He wants to make his mark, to make sure it’s impossible for Adam to forget about him. Mild TRK spoilers.</p>
            </blockquote>





	my beating heart wanting more

**Author's Note:**

  * For [bucketmouse](https://archiveofourown.org/users/bucketmouse/gifts).



> This is for Kels, who drove me safely to a wedding so I could have three glasses of wine and then take shots in the bathroom at the reception. She is truly the hero this city needs. Also much thanks to Rae for encouragement.
> 
> Title is from 'Hunger' by Of Monsters and Men.

Ronan drives Adam to college. They take the BMW, because neither of them have any faith that the Hondayota can make the trip. There’s plenty of public transportation there, Adam shouldn’t need a car. At least for the first year.

Ronan would have dreamed him up one anyway, or even bought him one, if he’d had any hope that Adam would accept it. But though Adam has gotten better about accepting gifts - especially if they come from Ronan, and _especially_ if they’re one of Ronan’s dream-things - he still balks at anything too expensive or fancy. There’s no way Ronan would have been able to talk or trick him into accepting a car.

In the end, though, he’s kind of happy about that. It means hours in a car together on the way there, Adam complaining about Ronan’s shitty EDM and Ronan complaining about Adam’s complaining, all of it easy and friendly and affectionate in a way that Ronan’s going to miss so fucking much.

He’s going to miss all of it. So fucking much.

Part of him, a selfish and childish part, is raging at himself for letting Adam go. The whole drive up, it gnaws at the back of his mind, telling him that Adam’s not gonna come back, he’s gonna grab hold of his bright future and never think about Ronan Lynch again. He’s gonna graduate with honors and meet some pretty girl or some boy just as ambitious as him and he’s gonna wonder why he ever thought tying himself to a farmer who dropped out of high school was a good idea.

Ronan shoves the thoughts away. He trusts Adam. He’s seen Adam at the Barns, calm and relaxed, walking the fields or reading on the porch or playing with Opal. He’s seen Adam slowly come to think of it as a home, almost despite himself, as if ‘home’ has never meant anything but pain. He’s watched Adam fall asleep next to him, held him through the night, woken up to the smell of fresh coffee and the sight of Adam barefoot and sleepy-eyed and happy.

Adam will come back. Adam loves the Barns, he loves Opal, who cried for an hour when Adam finally had to leave. He loves Ronan, even if they don’t say the words.

Knowing that makes it easy to ignore his own dark thoughts, at least until they get there.

They unload Adam’s things - he still doesn’t have much stuff, and his half of the cramped dorm room isn’t close to full when they’re finished. Then Ronan drags him off-campus to a diner for lunch, on the theory that Adam’s gonna have his fill of dining plan food and should have something different today. Adam goes along easily.

They talk about nothing too serious while they eat - Blue’s texted photo of Henry in front of the world’s largest spoon, the assorted teas the women of 300 Fox Way tucked into Adam’s bag, the classes Adam has already signed up for.

Ronan watches the way Adam’s fingers curl around his fork, the light furrow of his eyebrows, the freckles down his neck. Burning each image into his mind, fuel for the harsh upcoming winter. It’s Adam’s smile he clings to most, easy in a way it never used to be, affectionate and warm when he looks at Ronan. Lunch doesn’t last long enough.

Then they’re back at Adam’s room, lingering. They both know it’s time for Ronan to head home. Ronan leans against the door, looking at Adam. He doesn’t think he can take it anymore. He’s been so good, supportive and helpful and so fucking ready to let Adam do what he needs to do, and he just doesn’t think he can take it for one more second.

“When’s your roommate getting here?” he says.

Adam glances at the clock. It’s only two. “A little after five, he said.” He steps close to Ronan, leans up to kiss him like he knows what Ronan wants. “We’ve got a little time.”

He doesn’t know. He doesn’t know at all. “Good,” Ronan says, and he makes sure the door is locked before he turns Adam around and shoves him up against it, kissing him hard. Like he would devour Adam whole if he could. He nips Adam’s lower lip, slides his tongue into Adam’s mouth when he gasps, presses his whole body against Adam and holds him against the door.

Adam lets him, relaxing against him, letting Ronan set the pace. Ronan doesn’t know what he’s thinking, he only knows what he wants, what he needs right now, and that’s Adam.

Ronan wants to burn every piece of himself into Adam. He wants to make his mark, to make sure it’s impossible for Adam to forget about him. He knows, he _knows_ Adam won’t, but he needs this.

And maybe Adam needs it too, because he lets Ronan pull his shirt off, lets him kiss hungry marks along his neck, lets him be needy and insistent and pushy. He’s gasping by the time Ronan pulls back, both of them shirtless by now, and for a moment Ronan just looks at him.

Adam always looks so good like this. Cheeks flushed, lips swollen from Ronan’s kisses, that look in his eyes that says his careful control is slipping away. Ronan will never get enough of it, and now he’s not going to see it for months. He doesn’t know how he’ll survive.

“I figured you might wanna christen the room,” Adam says, his light words belied by the catch in his voice as Ronan’s hand drifts down over his stomach. “That’s why I made sure we got here early.”

“Look at you, planning ahead. Goddamn nerd,” Ronan says, but there’s just as much need and hunger in his voice. He looks Adam in the eye. “I’m gonna bend you over that shitty desk and fuck you until you can’t do anything but say my name.”

“ _Oh_ ,” Adam says, and the surprise in his voice is sharpened by arousal. Ronan grins, and then he’s peeling off the rest of Adam’s clothes, shoes and pants and underwear in a heap on the floor. Soon Adam is bracing himself on the desk, bare-ass naked, looking over his shoulder at Ronan.

At another time, maybe, Ronan would enjoy the view. He might take his time, draw things out, they might mess around some first. But right now he can’t handle the thought of that. Right now he needs Adam so bad he can’t think about anything else.

Adam’s not the only one who planned ahead. Ronan palms the lube out of his pocket, but doesn’t even bother taking his artfully torn jeans off. He just unzips them, gives himself enough room for his erection to swing free, and presses close to Adam.

He’s urgent, bordering on rough, which he usually isn’t with Adam, because half the time when they fuck it’s more like worship. But this isn’t the first time one or both of them has been needy and hungry, it isn’t the first time they’ve thrown caution and careful, loving preparation to the wind. Adam doesn’t seem to mind, or he needs it as much as Ronan does, because he hisses and presses back against Ronan’s lube-covered fingers as they push inside him.

He slides an arm around Adam’s waist, taking hold of his cock and stroking him once, then again, as he moves his fingers inside Adam. Adam grips the edge of the desk and his breath catches, and then Ronan’s sliding his fingers out and replacing them with his cock.

Part of him worries that he’s going too fast, but Adam doesn’t tell him to stop or slow down, and Adam knows that he would in an instant. He knows that when it comes to that, he can command Ronan with a word, and he doesn’t. So Ronan gives in to what he wants, what he needs, and presses into Adam, entering him in one hard movement.

Adam’s gasp is almost pained, and Ronan stills, leaning forward to press a sloppy kiss to Adam’s shoulder, biting at the skin there gently. He wants to ask if Adam is okay, but he’s pretty sure Adam would just be annoyed at being treated like something breakable. So instead what he says is, “What, too much for you?”

Adam laughs, shaky with desire. “You’re gonna have to fuck me harder than that if that’s what you’re going for.”

Ronan grins. He’s not worried anymore. He pulls back, slides back into Adam, hears his breath stutter. Adam’s skin is warm, his hands steady on the edge of the desk, bent over just enough. And he’s so fucking tight, so hot, gripping Ronan like his body is hungry for it, and Ronan can’t stand the thought of losing this.

He moves, thrusting into Adam hard. He doesn’t try to hold himself back. His need is too much, his desire for Adam is unbearable, and he fucks Adam like this will be the last time for months, like he needs to leave a piece of himself behind. He’s not slow, he’s not careful. His hands settle on Adam’s hips, pulling Adam back into him with each thrust, taking him deep and hard and rough as Ronan lets go of the reins he’s been keeping on his possessiveness and want.

He’s spurred on by Adam’s breathlessness, the way he gasps, his quiet cries. He covers his mouth with one hand, trying to muffle himself, probably thinking of the students who might already be in the rooms next door, but Ronan doesn’t give a shit about them. He catches hold of Adam’s wrist, tugs it away so he can hear Adam’s cries, and fucks him harder.

Ronan’s world narrows down to nothing but this - Adam tight around him, the slender line of his back, the way his hair falls, his breathless moans that almost sound like Ronan’s name. The marks Ronan is leaving on his hips, his shoulders, his neck. Proof of him, proof that they belong to each other.

He lets go of Adam’s hip to wrap his hand around Adam’s cock again, hard and hot, and between his cock in Adam’s ass and his hand on Adam’s cock it feels like barely seconds before Adam is crying out, coming in his hand, making a mess on that shitty desk. Ronan only allows himself a moment to enjoy it before he can’t take it anymore, before he’s pounding into Adam harder than before, and he only needs a few more thrusts before he’s coming, too. It’s intense and sudden and almost too much, and he holds on to Adam, breathing him in.

Adam is barely holding himself up against the desk, and frankly Ronan’s not so sure about that whole standing thing either. He moves back, sliding out of Adam, and tugs him toward the bed - still without sheets, but he doesn’t give a shit. He kicks his jeans off on the way, so it’s just skin against skin.

They collapse onto the bed, still breathing hard, and Adam rests his head on Ronan’s shoulder. Ronan slides an arm around him, wanting to hold on, not wanting to let go yet. Not ever, really, but. Not yet.

He listens to Adam breathe, and he catches his own breath, and they lay there in silence. Adam kisses his shoulder, once.

He lets his eyes travel over the room. Adam’s things, in boxes, and there’s more than there had been once. Clothes, sure, and school necessities, but more than that. 

There’s a framed photo that Blue took, Ronan with Opal tucked under his arm, a scowl on his face but contentment in his eyes. There’s a pen that will never run out of ink, a notebook that will organize anything that’s written in it by subject. There’s a stone figure of a deer that glows with a soft white light whenever it’s sunny at the Barns. There’s Adam’s secondhand cellphone, with a picture of him and Ronan as the background. Adam had had to bribe him into it, but he’d looked so pleased afterward that Ronan had felt a little glow of pleasure too.

He’s already left his mark on Adam in so many ways. He knows that. But he also knows that on some level it’ll never be enough. He can do this, he can support Adam and watch him leave and know that he’ll come back, but it’s not easy. It’s never going to be easy. There will always be a part of Ronan that wants to possess him completely, a part that’s worried he’ll leave and never look back, and that’s his to struggle with. That’s not Adam’s fault. Adam has his own demons to fight.

He turns a little, sliding over Adam on the small bed, holding himself above Adam’s slender body. There are love bites on Adam’s neck, marks on his hips, the slickness of come on his belly. He looks content and sated and beautiful, and Ronan leans down to kiss him.

“Hey,” Adam says when he pulls back. His voice is a little hoarse, but soft, and he reaches up to run his fingers along the line of Ronan’s jaw. “Answer your phone sometimes, okay?”

Ronan kisses him again, and their bodies slide together. Adam is intoxicating and impossible, and Ronan knows he has to leave soon. His need to possess Adam has faded, but his desire for Adam is always there, rising anew with every look.

Which Adam notices, with a raised eyebrow and an amused quirk of his lips. “Again?”

Ronan shrugs, shameless. “If I’m not getting laid until December, I’ve gotta get it all in now, you know?” He slides a hand under Adam’s thigh, but does nothing more, meeting Adam’s eyes with a questioning look.

Adam looks speculative, and his words are far from discouraging. “I’m gonna be sore.”

“So you’ll think of me whenever you sit down,” Ronan says, lips curving into a grin as he pulls Adam’s legs up and apart, settling between them, reaching to palm Adam’s cock.

“Yeah, I’ll think of what an asshole you are,” Adam says, and there’s a gasp in his voice. He’s still sensitive, still feeling Ronan’s earlier urgency, and Ronan is more careful this time. He doesn’t need what he needed earlier, he doesn’t _need_ anything, he just wants Adam one last time.

He hooks Adam’s legs over his arms and slides into him. It’s easy, tight and hot but still slick with lube and Ronan’s come. He knows Adam will feel everything more, after what they just did, so he goes slow, stroking Adam until he’s hard and then moving inside him with steady, even strokes.

He likes this, he loves seeing Adam’s face while they fuck, the way his caution and careful control of himself disappear until there’s nothing but pleasure and desire for Ronan left. He loves taking Adam apart, piece by piece, until there’s nothing but the two of them.

He fucks Adam in that room for the second time, on his tiny uncomfortable mattress, filling the room with his own moans and Adam’s soft gasps, slow and easy and clinging. Neither of them feel the same urgency, they just want a little more, a few more stolen moments. It feels intimate, unrushed, and this time when Ronan sees Adam come, when he comes inside of Adam again, he feels something settle within him.

They rest, holding on to each other, until Ronan knows he really does have to leave, until Adam detaches himself from Ronan carefully and starts cleaning the both of them up. Ronan lets him, enjoying the gentle thoroughness, memorizing the languid movement of Adam-after-sex. Judging by the care he takes, he probably _is_ going to be sore, and Ronan feels a little bad about that.

But not that bad. Adam’s not gonna forget about him, but that doesn’t mean Ronan shouldn’t remind him now and then. And since Adam doesn’t seem to mind, Ronan isn’t going to regret it.

They say farewell by the BMW. Ronan shrugs his shoulders, ducks his head, tries not to show how much he wants to hold on to Adam and not let go.

Adam kisses him goodbye, not caring when some of the arriving students look over at them, and then steps back.

“December 18th,” he says, and Ronan’s brow furrows. 

Adam clarifies. “That’s the last day of finals. You better be here to take me home for winter break.”

Ronan doesn’t know how he’ll last until then, but judging by the set of Adam’s shoulders, neither does he. And - well. It’s the first time Adam’s said it, that word, _home_ , but it’s not the first time either of them have thought it. Adam is coming back to the Barns, he’ll come back for winter break, and then for spring break, and then for the summer, and they’ll survive this until he’s done with school. They’ll miss each other, but Adam is stubborn and loyal and Ronan is no less so, and they aren’t going to lose each other.

And maybe, _maybe_ Ronan will answer his phone occasionally.

“Yeah, whatever,” Ronan says with a shrug. “Go dazzle your professors, genius.”

Adam smiles, and without even meaning to Ronan pulls him close, into another kiss, longing and gentle.

It’ll be their last for awhile, but there will be more. Until then, Adam won’t forget him.


End file.
